You Just Know
by dixiekittyva
Summary: "When it's someone you love… you just…" He shrugged before continuing. "You know."
1. Chapter 1

**Has anyone else wondered why Danny was already smiling before Jamie reached his arm out to Eddie at the family dinner? Or his knowing smile when Eddie said "Actually, not just Eddie today."? Or why he looked so damn smug when when he asked his brother "Since just this morning?"and said "Wow"? It kinda seemed like an 'I told you so' moment to me. And Jamie seemed shy to admit it, like any younger brother would be reluctant to admit his older brother was right. Granted, I don't think Danny was expecting a marriage proposal, but he was expecting those two to be together. And I think Erin could tell.**

 **FYI, this is my first BB fic, so be gentle. ;-)**

* * *

Danny looked up from the papers clipped inside the file in front of him to reach for his ringing phone. He briefly registered his brother's name on the screen before he swiped answer and put the phone to his ear. "Hey kid, what's up?" was all he said, turning his attention back to the file.

"We got him Danny… We got him." Danny could tell his brother was excited, Jamie was nearly out of breath and sounded like he could barely get out the words.

"Good job, kid. Now who did you get?" He figured he'd play along. Even though his brother had been on the job for nearly a decade, he still got excited about big collars. Danny knew the feeling all too well, and to be honest, wished he could feel it more often.

"Sorrento." was all Jamie said in reply. Now he had Danny's full, undivided attention.

"Wait, wait a minute. Slow down, kid. What do you mean you got Sorrento? Dante Sorrento?" Now Danny was the one getting worked up. This man had already killed five people in the past few days, and who knew how many before that. He was a dangerous killer and his family was now on this maniac's radar.

"Yeah. Apparently I was his Reagan target." Jamie didn't sound good. He knew Jamie better. While he was a giant pain in his brother's ass most of the time, he was normally a talkative pain in his brother's ass.

"Okay, kid, just tell me where you are. I'll come take him off your hands. That bastard has a lot to answer for…" Danny couldn't wait to get his hands on Sorrento. Who knew how many open cases that man was responsible for. Danny had sworn that Sorrento and Duwann Wilson were going to pay for what they had done. They…

"No, Danny… He's dead. Eddie got him." Jamie cut Danny's thoughts short. But wait; if Janko shot him then something must have happened. Now this conversation and Jamie's whole demeanor made sense. Jamie was shaken up. Danny was afraid either Jamie's partner or some civilians were hurt in the take down. He needed to get there fast.

"Where are you? I'm on my way." Danny was already putting on his coat and waiving Baez over before Jamie gave him the address. He was rushing out the door as he told Jamie he'd be there in 10 minutes.

He was about to hang up when Jamie stopped him. "Hey wait, can you call Dad? I don't know if he's heard yet, he probably has, but he should hear it from one of us. I still have to talk to my CO and all that." Danny could tell he really wasn't up to talking to the old man, so he agreed and told him not to worry about it.

Danny had been targeted more times than he could count and he knew what his brother was going through. As he sped down the steps of the 54th and headed to his car he pressed his Dad's speed dial and waited for him to pick up, anxious to tell him that it was all over with.

Once Danny got to the scene, he and Baez took a peek at Sorrento and his car before Danny went in search of his brother. He just had to see for himself that that maniac was truly dead.

After being stopped by various officers around the scene and issuing a few instructions, he was lead detective on the case after-all, Danny finally found Jamie. He was sitting on the bumper of one of the ambulances, still being questioned by a couple of paramedics and it didn't look like Jamie was being too cooperative. "Look, I'm fine. The glass didn't cut me and the bullet didn't graze me. Besides a little ringing in the ears, I'm good." The paramedics tried to reason with him that they needed to check him over, but he obviously wasn't having it. 'Typical Reagan', Danny thought.

Danny walked over and asked the paramedics give them a moment. Once they were gone, he sat on the bumper beside his brother and bumped his shoulder with his. "So, really, you good, kid?" Jamie nodded and leaned over, putting his head in his hands. "Yeah, I'm okay."

"And how's your partner?... Where is Janko, by the way? I figured you two would be glued at the hip right about now." Danny asked while looking around the scene. Without lifting his head, Jamie answered "She's okay, just a little rattled. She's off with the bosses, you know the drill. She killed someone, so they took her gun while they investigate." Danny simply nodded, he most definitely knew the drill.

"Alright, now start from the beginning. What the hell happened?" Danny looked over the scene and pretty much pieced it together, but he needed someone to fill in the gaps.

Jamie sat up and took a deep breath before recounting the day's events. "We stopped for coffee, I stayed in the car and Eddie went in. One minute I'm sitting there, looking out the window and the next a car pulls up and someone calls out to me." He was still rattled, that much was certain. He looked over to Danny as he took a deep breath. Danny simply nodded and motioned for him to continue. "I hear some shouting in the distance, but I turn to look towards the car and this guy takes a shot at me." Jamie took another deep breath before continuing, this time faster than before… Trying his best not to relive it and get worked up all over again. "He barely misses me. I duck and I hear Eddie still shouting for me. She gets two rounds off and clips his car, forcing him to abort. He speeds away and she gets him with one shot." He paused again, looking Danny straight in the eye. "I swear it was amazing, he's speeding away and she gets him right in the back of the head. She… She saved me, Danny." The look on Jamie's face is a mix of admiration, shock and fear. And he's breathing as if he just chased that car down again.

Danny smiled and put his hand on his brother's shoulder. "Sounds like she really had your back there. That's what partners are for."

Jamie jumped up in frustration and started pacing in front of his brother. "No… No, you don't get it. She knew. She just… knew I was in trouble."

Danny tried to brush it off; this is obviously what has Jamie so rattled. "What are you talking about? She saw the car or something… The BOLO's been out on his preferred models. Something tipped her off."

Jamie stopped his pacing and pointed to the coffee shop on the corner. "She was inside the coffee shop; she couldn't see what was happening. And she came running before he even pulled up. She knew, Danny. She says she was warned… Like a voice told her I was in trouble."

"I see." was Danny's simple reply. He lowered his head, looking down at his folded hands, unsure what to say next. He didn't think Jamie really wanted to go down that road.

"No, Danny… How did she know? If she hadn't been there… I'd… I'd be…" Jamie couldn't finish that thought, too afraid to even think about what could have been.

Danny jumped up and grabbed his brother by the arms, making sure he was paying attention to him. "Don't go there, kid. I'm so glad you're okay. But don't start on the 'What ifs'. Nothing good will come of that."

"But, she knew…" Jamie sounded lost, broken almost.

Danny took a deep breath and pulled Jamie off to the side, away from any nosey onlookers. He's a little rougher than intended, but his brother is being an idiot. "Come'on, you know how she knew. Think about it. It's the same way you knew she was in trouble when she went UC in that trafficking ring. It's the same way I knew Linda was in trouble before she was shot… The way I knew she was gone even before I got the call about that chopper. There's this connection…" He stopped for a moment, looking for the right words, unsure whether his brother is ready to hear them. "When it's someone you love… you just…" He shrugged before continuing. "You know."

Jamie just stood there, not saying anything, just taking in what his brother just said.

Danny hadn't really expected any response so he continued. "So, now you have to decide what are you gonna do about it? Are you gonna keep on like you have been for the past few years… Or…" He trailed off, leaning his head, the implication fairly clear. When he didn't finish Jamie stepped in "…Or?" Danny smiled and clapped his brother on the shoulder. "Or are you gonna man up and do something?"

Jamie opened and closed his mouth a few times, unsure what it was that he wanted to say. In the distance he heard Baez calling for Danny. Danny shouted "In a sec…" before turning back to his baby brother who appeared to still be in shock.

"Look, all I'm saying is: life is short. I would give anything for just a few more minutes with Linda." He raised his arms and looked around them both. "Look around you, between this and Eddie getting shot a couple months ago, I'd say the universe is shouting at you." Jamie looked back up before Danny started to walk away.

Before he got a few feet he turned back to Jamie. "Just think about it." He said it earnestly, so Jamie nodded in acceptance and Danny nodded back before turning and continuing to his partner who was with someone from the ME's office and Sorrento's body, that was now on a stretcher being loaded into a black van.


	2. Chapter 2

Jamie reluctantly pulled apart from Eddie. He heard the other officers' arrival and knew that they would have questions.

He heard one officer start shouting commands to the others to secure the scene. He approached the pair and jumped right in. "Reagan, Janko, what've we got here?" Jamie abruptly wiped his eyes and turned to Officer Travers. "I, uh… I was almost the victim of a hit. This is the guy responsible for those five drive-bys this week."

Travers was visibly surprised and let out a whistle as he peaked around Jamie and Eddie to see Sorrento hunched over his steering wheel. He lifted his hat as he ran a hand over his face. "Man, I heard about this guy. You're one lucky bastard, Reagan."

Jamie nodded and cut his eyes to his partner. "Don't I know it." He looked back to Travers, but the officer was already heading back to his partner, Officer Bennington, to bring him up to speed. He shouted out a few more orders and radioed in to Central for crowd control, CSU and the ME.

Jamie looked back over to Eddie, concern clearly evident in his expression. "You gonna be okay?" She breathed out a long breath, nodding in reply. "Yep… Yep, I'm good." She raised her eyes to him and he smiled back at her before they both turned to surveil the flurry of activity around them. More RMPs had arrived along with two ambulances, and naturally, there was a large crowd forming outside the recently secured perimeter. They looked back to each other, knowing that any minute the bosses would arrive and they would separated to be questioned and checked out.

Bennington headed over to them, needing to get Janko's initial statement, just to corroborate what the witnesses had told them so far. Eddie looked back over to Jamie as she started to follow Bennington. Jamie nodded to her as he reached a hand out in her direction. "Go on, I'm gonna call Danny and bring him up to speed. It's his case and I want to let him know the family can stand down."

Jamie could tell Eddie was shaken. She was quiet, too quiet. Even after she got shot she wasn't this quiet. He watched as she softly shook her head in acknowledgement and cast him one last worried glance as she followed Bennington back toward the coffee shop.

Jamie turned around, facing away the scene; away from the crowd, his fellow officers, the car, the… hitman. And away from his terrified partner. He let out a long deep breath that he hadn't even realized he'd been holding and shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts. Even though the "excitement" was over, he still had a job to do. He'd been in close calls before, this was nothing new. So why did this time feel so different?

He took another steadying breath and pulled out his phone. His hand was slightly shaking as he dialed his brother's number. He looked up to the girders above him while he listened to the phone ringing against his ear, anxious to get this call over with.

* * *

Once Jamie was cleared to go by all of the higher-ups, he left as discretely as he could. Because of the broken glass he couldn't take his RMP back to the house, it was taken to the motor pool for repairs and detailing. So he caught a ride back with a couple of other officers whose tour was almost up.

From the moment he entered the twelfth nearly every person he saw had something to say; from relief that he was okay to how lucky he was to be alive to how lucky he was to have Janko watching his back. Once he changed back into his street clothes he slipped out as quickly and quietly as he could. He considered waiting for Eddie, but he knew she was still being interviewed. Besides, he needed time to think.

Jamie drove around aimlessly, eventually ending up near the water. He leaned on a railing, reveling in the salty breeze. Try as he might, he couldn't get his brother's words out of his head; he heard them on an unending loop. "When it's someone you love… you just… You know." "What are you gonna do about it?" "Look, all I'm saying is: life is short. I would give anything for just a few more minutes with Linda." "The universe is shouting at you." But was it?

He put up this wall years ago, afraid to get too close to anyone. After the death of his mother, his brother and now Linda, he'd been so afraid to let anyone in. It was so easy to blame Syd for everything that ended their relationship, but the truth was he pushed her away. Granted, he definitely lost a lot of his appeal to her once he became a cop. But it wasn't all her fault. After Joe's death he unintentionally distanced himself from her, afraid of the risk of being hurt again. His heart couldn't take much more at that point, so he pushed her away. And when she left, he didn't stop her.

But now, now he knew better. Now he was in a dangerous job where his and Eddie's lives were on the line every single day. They had both faced death on multiple occasions, with the closest of calls recently, and they had survived. They survived because they had each other's backs.

But if they took this next step, took a chance, it would change everything. While he knew there were officially no rules prohibiting fraternization, their CO could still split them up. He didn't need a reason. On one hand he understood, he saw what happened between Delman and Bryson. They got distracted and it put Bryson in danger. But, they weren't him and Eddie.

If you overlooked the obvious fact that they hadn't slept together and had only kissed a couple times, they were a couple. In every way that mattered. They very likely knew each other better than most newlyweds. They had been together for years, spending all day together in their squad car and then going out for dinner or drinks afterward. Except for those nights she had a date with yet another schmuck. He shuddered and shook his head at that thought. He didn't want to think about that.

It amazed him that he never tired of her, no matter how much she drove him nuts. She was opinionated, bossy, a little crude, and knew all too well how to push his buttons… and proceeded to do so on a daily basis. And that appetite… Was there even a bottom to her stomach? And… And she made him laugh like no one else could. Maybe Erin was right, maybe bossy was his thing. But whatever it was, Eddie was it.

She had proved her loyalty to him countless times. Not just having his back on the streets, but by backing him up with the bosses even when she didn't entirely agree with him. And then there was his buddy's wedding. He smiled remembering that. He probably had that black eye coming by mouthing off to that small town jerk, but Eddie jumped right on in and got one of her own for her trouble. That was his Eddie. No retreat, no surrender.

He was getting antsy, couldn't just stand around anymore so he started wandering around with no true destination in mind. He just needed to move.

On one hand he regretted the decision he made three years ago. He chose his job, being just her partner, over the chance of having so much more. But on the other, if he had decided to go for it back then, would he have had a partner who would have known he was in danger today? No, no… Danny was right. No what-if's. He needed to deal with the here and now… And tomorrow.

The truth was today had been a breaking point. That look in her eyes, the way her voice cracked, how she held on so tightly to him… She looked so broken. It made something snap in him.

He had known how much she meant to him. When she got shot… He hadn't taken a full breath until he knew that bullet hadn't gone through her vest. But he had refused to believe she truly felt the same, that her feelings for him held the same depth as his for her. Hell, she had "Barry" take her home from the hospital afterall. But today he knew… He finally knew he wasn't alone in this. It wasn't just something that would pass for her.

And if he truly hadn't accepted that simple fact yet, Danny sure put that bed to rest. "When it's someone you love… you just… You know." "Life is short. I would give anything for just a few more minutes with Linda." "The universe is shouting at you."

"What are you gonna do about it?" What WAS he gonna do about it? Did he still have a chance? Was she really happy with that moron who ghosted her because she talked about him too much? No, it wasn't possible. She was his. Always was, always will be.

He realized he had ended up a few blocks from Eddie's apartment. She had to be home from the station by now. Jamie pulled out his phone to check the time and realized he had a bunch of missed calls. Most of them were understandably from his family members, but three were from her. He had put his phone on silent before he left the twelfth, knowing the flood of calls from his worried and relieved family would be coming soon. He didn't want her to think he was ducking her, he had left without letting her know, but he needed to think. But what had he decided?

"When it's someone you love… you just… You know." "Life is short." "The universe is shouting at you." "What are you gonna do about it?"

"You just know." He knew. He felt it deep in his bones. Forget thinking, his heart was yelling at him. Maybe it wasn't the smartest idea, but he couldn't go on without her.

"You just know." He took off with a start, needing to get to her right this moment. After the first block he laughed at himself. He felt like Billy Crystal in that Meg Ryan movie Eddie liked so much. "When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."

That was it. That was the honest to God, short and sweet of it. He needed her. He wanted her. For now. For tomorrow. And for every day after. He couldn't let one more day pass without her. Risk her finding someone else. Risk never getting the chance to tell her. She was it. She was all he needed. Whether as patrol partners or not, he needed her where it mattered most.


	3. Chapter 3

The bosses were finally done questioning Eddie. Once they released her, she high-tailed it out of there as fast as possible. She knew that it was SOP, but that didn't mean she had to like it.

She was antsy the whole way through her interview. She's sure they just chalked it up her being on edge from the shooting, naturally, having just taken a life. Something that no matter how many times it happened or how bad a person the deceased had been, it never got any easier. But that wasn't it. She knew better. She was worried about Jamie.

After Officer Bennington pulled her aside for her statement, everything turned into some big sideshow. It all seemed like one giant blur now. But at the time, every time she turned around there was some other Lieutenant or other higher-up who needed to confirm and reconfirm her statement.

That interview, more like an interrogation, seemed to take forever… Much longer than the one she had the first time she killed a man. She assumed it was because Jamie had been the target, and they definitely wanted to verify that fact. He was the PC's kid, so naturally they'd want to triple cross their t's and quadruple dot their i's.

But now she was free and the first thing she wanted to do was to check on Jamie. She knew he had put on that brave face at the scene for her, knowing that for her to be alright, he had to be alright. It was a little convoluted and didn't make much sense to her, but that was Jamie Reagan for you. He had to be strong for her… He was always trying to protect her… Even when he was the one who just needed protecting.

After looking around the house for him and coming up empty-handed, she eventually found out that he had hitched a ride back to the squad and snuck out as fast as he could. But why didn't he wait for her? She checked her phone, no messages. Well, none from him at least. She had a few from some of the other officers, sending her thanks and saying good job watching Jamie's back… There was one from Danny, Jamie's brother, thanking her for saving his "pig-headed baby brother".

And then there were a couple from Barry. Apparently he heard about the shooting on the news - Well, that sure traveled fast - and he wanted to see if she was okay and if she needed to talk. Yep, she definitely needed to talk to him. She needed to finally let him down easy and kick his butt to the curb. He was sweet and nice enough, but he wasn't Jamie. It wasn't fair to any of them to keep… whatever they were… going any longer. There was no hope for any future. Time to cut bait and call it a day.

If she was being truly honest with herself, she never should have gotten back with that twerp to start with. Seriously, who ghosts a girl JUST because she talks about her coworker, her partner, a little too much. She spends all day with the man; it's totally understandable if all her stories somehow revolve around him. Well, okay, it's understandable for all her WORK stories to involve him. Guess it doesn't make as much sense for ALL of her stories, personal included, to include Jamie. Maybe he did see the writing on the wall from the very beginning.

Okay, so, it wasn't totally his fault. But still, she never should have called him after she got shot. But she needed someone… Someone to talk to… Someone… who wasn't Jamie. Barry just happened to be the first guy she thought of.

She knew it wasn't fair to Jamie, but she just couldn't face him. She needed to distance herself from him… They were just too close.

The sheer look of terror on his face when she landed at the bottom of those stairs after she was hit was enough to unravel her. Thank God she was okay. She didn't know if Jamie could take it if something happened to her. She never wanted to make him feel like that again. So, she took the cowardly way out and called Barry, hoping Jamie would take the hint to move on.

But she was lying to herself, she knew it. The look on his face that day was probably the exact same one he saw on her face earlier that afternoon. She was completely terrified that she had lost him. Even though she had been shouting for him at the top of her lungs, she can't remember taking a single breath until she saw him standing next to her right after Sorrento's BMW slammed into that Chrysler.

When he said he was okay her legs nearly gave out from under her out of sheer relief. But he then told her to go, and off they went to make sure Dante Sorrento was in fact dead.

She imagined that the same overwhelming relief must have been what Jamie felt when he reached under her vest to find that the bullet hadn't gone through. Huh… So that's why he kept trying to check up on her… Just like she was trying to do for him right this moment.

He wasn't answering his phone, that much was for sure. When she called, it rang and rang until his voicemail eventually picked up. It must be on silent… Or maybe he just didn't want to talk to her and knew it'd be too obvious if he rejected the call after only a couple rings. Her stomach dropped at that thought. No, no… She was being silly. Jamie wouldn't do that to her. Even if she had done something similar after she was shot, he wouldn't. He was too good for that. This was Jamie she was talking about, after-all.

But still, she wished he'd answer his phone. She needed to know that he was alright. She contemplated calling one of the Reagan's, they must know something. But on the off chance that they hadn't heard all the details of what happened, about how close he came to… Well, she wasn't going to be the one to tell them. Besides, if he wasn't answering her, she doubted he would be answering their calls either. And if she happened to point out that she was worried about him and had no clue where he was she might set off some Reagan family panic and that would help no one, least of all Jamie.

So for now she would wait. Wait until he was ready. She knew he must need time to process. He probably had that whole life flashing before his eyes moment and regretted being such a boy-scout and not having more fun.

Nahhh… not Jamie. He was an honest to God genuine good guy. He did what was right and helped any and everyone he could, no matter what it cost him. She knew that one day, hopefully many, many, many years from now, when his number gets called that he'll be rewarded handsomely in the great hereafter. He's definitely earned it.

* * *

Since she couldn't find Jamie and the bosses put her on paid administrative leave for the next few days, just until the official investigation was complete, she went home.

After all of the noise and activity at the scene and all of the many questions afterward, it felt way too quiet in her apartment. It was eerie how quiet it was. She turned on some music, just something for background noise, but it did little to suppress the unease she felt.

She called Jamie again with no luck. She left yet another voicemail, this one just asking him to call her to let her know he's okay. She left him two messages before she left the station and she swore that this one would be the last. He would call when he was ready. But while she knew that he was one of those that kept everything really close to the vest, it wasn't like him to give her radio silence. Granted, it was normally like pulling teeth to get him to open up any. But after a day like today, this was the last thing she expected.

Truthfully, right now she needed him as much as she hoped he needed her. While he must be more than a little freaked out because, hey, someone did try to execute him today, she was definitely freaked out because she almost lost him. What if she hadn't been warned? What if she hadn't been fast enough? Those thoughts kept circling in her head.

Back at the station she had been good about keeping her emotions in check. But now? In the safety and security of her own apartment? She was barely keeping it together. Every time she closed her eyes, even for just a split second, she saw what could have been. What could have been if she hadn't saved him.

In her mind's eye she saw every gruesome and gory alternative ending the day could have had. One moment she's looking in the window of the RMP to see a hole in Jamie's head and his brains splattered all over her side of the car. And the next its where the bullet nicks an artery in his neck and she's putting pressure on it, fighting to save him as he just looks up at her, his eyes almost empty. He barely whispers a soft "I love you, Eddie" and then he's gone.

He's gone. The mere suggestion of that possible outcome rocks her to her core. She can't imagine her life without her pain-in-the-butt boy-scout of a partner in it. He's a part of everything that she does, on and off the job. He's a part of who she is and who she will be as he keeps prodding to make her a better cop. Just knowing him has made her a better person. And for him to just be gone? She can't imagine a world without Jamie Reagan in it. And the fact of just how very close she came to living in such a world terrifies her to no end.

She can't hold back the tears that have been threatening to fall for hours now any longer. Now the dam has broken loose and she doesn't know if anything can stop it shy of Jamie being here, proving to her that he is most definitely alive and well. That those nightmares she sees every time she blinks are just that, nightmares. They aren't real. But her unusually fragile state has her doubting herself and what is real. The gruesome scenes she imagines are so vivid, that she fears that one of them may be real. If not today, maybe next time. She can't fathom a next time.

She needs Jamie. She needs him like she hopes that he needs her. She needs him to show her everything is and will be alright. She just needs to see him and hold him… To know that he is alive and real. She needs him.

To say that the thought takes her by surprise is an understatement. And it's not the fact that it's him that she needs that shocks her; it's that she needs anybody. She's never needed anybody. After the death of her mother, she tried her best to stand on her own. Then after everything that went down with her father, she swore to herself that she would never rely on anybody ever again; that she would never let her guard down and trust anyone the way she had trusted her father; that she would never need anyone again.

She knew there was some leniency to that. On the job she had to trust her partner and fellow officers with her life. But that didn't mean that she had to trust them with her true self. She'd been a lone wolf ever since her dad went to prison. She had flings and dates, but never anything serious enough to push her boundaries. So how did this Reagan guy weasel his way in so deep that she now needed him just to stay sane without her even noticing?

She knew how. By being the best person she ever met and always being there for her… Whether she wanted him to be or not. Boy-scout or not, he was her Jamie. He was her sexy as hell, especially in that leather jacket, partner who could kiss like nobody's business and had somehow wormed his way so deep into her heart that she wasn't sure she could survive without him. The thought made her lightheaded and she had to sit down.

She sat on her couch trying to figure out where things went wrong. Yes, she cared about him and as more than just her partner. But he was just supposed to be a fling, something to get out of her system if she ever got the chance. He wasn't supposed to be…

The buzzer by her door jerked her out of her thoughts. There's only one person this could be. She cleared her throat a few times before pressing the intercom, hoping her voice wouldn't betray her. "Who is it?" Thankfully she doesn't think he could tell she'd been crying. "It's me." Is all he says before she buzzes him in. He sounded gruffer than normal, but with everything that happened that day, he must be as emotional as she is.

She turns to the mirror by the front door and wipes at her face, doing the best she can to try to hide the fact that she'd been crying. After a day like today the last thing he needs to be worrying about is her. It's no use though, she's red and puffy, but oh hell… He's seen her worse than this. She barely finishes the thought before she hears him outside her door.


	4. Chapter 4

Once Jamie finally heard the front door to Eddie's building unlock he almost jumped out of his skin. He had only pressed her button a few moments before, but it felt like an eternity to him. He flung open the door and took a sharp right toward the stairs; he didn't have time to wait for the stupid elevator.

He took the stairs two, maybe three steps at a time until he reached her floor. He raced down the hallway, only slowing once he was a couple doors away from hers, trying, but failing, to walk the rest of the way. He raised his hand to knock, but waited a moment, trying to catch his breath, before finally knocking on her door.

She opened it almost immediately. He could tell she'd been crying, but hell, she was still as beautiful as ever. He breathed a soft "Eddie", his heart still pounding about a mile a minute. She looked like she was about to break again, only barely managing to say his name in return, her voice cracking the same as she had that afternoon, right after he declared Sorrento DOA.

He tilted his head slightly, his eyes telling her all she needed to know. She let out a soft sob and then they were in each other's arms. They held each other tightly, pulling strength from the other. Jamie was the first to pull back, searching her face for answers. He must've found what he was looking for. He choked out "Eddie… I…", but he couldn't finish. The next instant he was kissing her.

This kiss was similar to their first two, but so much deeper. It was so much more than anything they had shared before, because now they knew. They knew it was more than mere lust, more than whatever they were before. They could both feel it.

She let out a surprised whimper when he kicked the door shut behind him, his foot blindly reaching for it before finally making contact. He stepped forward, pushing her against the wall by her front door, needing the support from it. Kissing her made him lightheaded and he felt like his knees were about to give out on him at any moment.

When they finally pulled apart for air, it wasn't much, just a few inches. There was no way he was letting go of her right now. They leaned their foreheads together, each struggling to catch their breath. Once he thought he could manage words, he looked up into her eyes. "I love you." He held his breath, trying to gauge her reaction. She was stunned for a brief instant, but quickly smiled, not sure whether to laugh or cry some more. She ended up somewhere in-between. "I love you too."

He let out that breath in a deep grunt, the relief overwhelming. His lips were on hers again in an instant. Her arms reached up, grabbing his shoulders from behind, holding him as close to her as possible. His hands moved to either side of her face, first holding her in place, afraid she might pull away. Then he was wiping at her tears and moving her hair back from her face.

When they separated he didn't let her go, but started to kiss her cheek, her chin and down to her neck where he found a spot he liked. "I… I'm so sorry." He spoke between kisses. Wait, he was apologizing? Through the fog her mind had become she heard, but didn't quite understand. "What…?" was all she could get out, and that was on a breathy sigh. She wasn't even sure he heard her.

He pulled back up to look up her. He struggled for breath a couple times before he repeated himself. "I'm sorry, Eddie. I'm so, so sorry." She gave herself a mental shake, trying her best to focus, but she was still lost. He sensed her confusion and continued. "I… I didn't know. I didn't know it was the real deal. I was so stupid. I'm so sorry." His eyes were now red and he was tearing up over his own stupidity, over all the wasted time.

Eddie just smiled and nodded before pulling him back in for another deep kiss. Knowing she needed this as much as he did. But Jamie wasn't finished; there was more he needed to say. "Eddie… I didn't know it then, but I know it now. I know this… us… it's real. So, if you're in, I'm in." He leaned in and captured her lips once more before she pulled back. She was crying again, but she was smiling. She nodded as she answered him; nearly laughing she was so giddy. "I'm in. I'm so in."

She pulled him back to her.

* * *

The rest of the night was a blur. One minute he had her pushed up by her front door, then they were on her couch, kissing and laughing and exploring, and then clothes were being tossed aside as they stumbled to her bedroom, doing their damnedest to remain connected at the lips the whole way.

By the time they reached her bed they were both naked and gasping for breath. She slid up the bed, toward her pillows before laying back and reaching for him. In an instant he was above her, then inside her. She let out a surprised gasp, reaching her arms around him. She was holding onto his shoulders again, keeping him against her heated skin, needing as much contact as possible. Her nails dug into his shoulder as he moved inside her. She arched back, her head digging into her pillow as she gasped and moaned. "Oh God, Reagan…"

* * *

When Jamie woke up the sun was just beginning to peak out from the horizon. He laid there, his partner sprawled across his chest, remembering the night before. When they had finally drifted off to sleep it was really late, or really early, depending on how you looked at it. Both utterly exhausted from the stressful day and one more round of intense, long-overdue lovemaking; both taking their time the second go round. His legs were still jelly, but he wouldn't trade it for the world. Oh the things that woman did to him.

He thought back to everything that had happened the day before. Beginning with how close he came to… But he refused to finish that thought. Then that look on Eddie's face… His brother's words… The realizations that rocked his whole world… Being in Eddie's arms… Being in Eddie's bed. It was true, in just one day his whole life was changed forever.

Eddie shuddered in her sleep and Jamie pulled her tighter to him, careful not to wake her. He was worried that she was having a nightmare, reliving the shooting. He felt her quiver a few more times before he kissed the top of her head and gently stroked his hand down her back. That seemed to do the trick because she sighed contentedly in her sleep and seemed to settle.

As he continued to stroke her back, he smiled to himself; she had been right all along. He was happy to admit that yes, he was in fact, ruined for all other women. He couldn't remember it being any better with anybody else. Granted, his past wasn't THAT extensive, but he had never experienced what he just had with Eddie. And they were only just getting to know each other this way. He couldn't begin to imagine what it would be like once they had fully explored and learned each other's bodies, preferences and reactions. Yes, that was a subject he was more than happy to learn.

He couldn't imagine it getting any better than this; lying here, perfectly content with the woman he loved sound asleep in his arms. Yeah, this was all he'd ever need.

As the sun began to shine more brightly through the cracks between Eddie's curtains another thought stuck him. It was Sunday, so he could lounge around in bed with her for a while, but he would eventually have to go home to get ready for Sunday dinner. He figured his family would understand if he wasn't up for church this morning, considering the previous day's events. But if it had been a workday he'd have to be leaving soon to go home and change for work. He didn't like that thought much. He'd rather stay in bed with Eddie for as long as possible; maybe fix her breakfast… perhaps sneak in a joint shower, if she let him… Anything but rush out of here at first light as if she was just some meaningless one night stand.

No, this was Eddie. She was his home. Whenever it was just all too much, they were the safe haven that the other needed. Up till now that had meant drinks, darts, a silly movie, target practice at the range, or just pretty much anything they could do together. But now, now they were… Well, he wasn't quite sure what they were. After he got here last night, there hadn't been very much talking, just their mutual assurance that they were both "in". Then they proceeded to reaffirm that promise in the most intimate of ways.

But what did that really mean? He knew what it meant to him; he was all in. She was it for him. But did she see it the same way? Was she on the same page or was he moving too fast? He knew she loved him, but did she want to take it slow? He felt like they had already been dating, just without all the physical benefits, for the last four and half years. Did she need…

"Stop it. You're thinking too loud." Eddie grumbled, her worlds slightly muffled from her place against his chest. Jamie chuckled at that, she always knew when he was too deep into his head. "Sorry, baby. Go back to sleep." He kissed the top of her head and continued to rub her back. She yawned dramatically and stretched like a cat against him. "Baby, huh? I like it." She smiled up at him before snuggling back into his side.

He smiled at her again, that was his Eddie… She was adorable and unpredictable, she made smile him like no one else and she just brightened up his whole day. Truth be told, after his mom and Joe died, so did his hope for a happy future. But since he found Eddie… Well, he actually had a future worth looking forward to.

Somewhere deep down inside he found the courage to just go for it, to take that risk, because as they both knew all too well, life is short.

"Hey, Eddie?" He knew she wasn't back asleep yet, she was drawing lazy circles around his hip with her fingertip. "Hmmm…" was her only reply. He took a deep breath; this was it, now or never. "Marry me."

He felt her tense beside him before she slowly looked up. Then she pushed herself up into a sitting position while roughly pushing back her hair that had fallen over her face as she slept against him. "Wait… Wait, what? Are you serious? Or are you just delusional from lack of sleep?" She was definitely surprised. Okay, so she was downright shocked. But at least she didn't look terrified, that was a good sign.

He smiled and brushed his hand against her cheek, making sure she could see all the love in his eyes before he answered. "I've never been more serious in my life. I love you." She had no doubt that he meant it, but it was just too soon… Wasn't it? "I love you too, but married? We haven't even been together 12 hours yet." It was way too early for her to wrap her sleep-deprived brain around this. She needed coffee… Or a shot of some good whiskey.

She didn't get it; he had to make her understand. "Eddie, we've been together for years, don't you see that? The only difference between what we were before and what we are now is the sex. And if you had any doubts about our compatibility there, I think we blew them the hell out of the water last night." They both smiled at that comment, well, she actually blushed, but he could tell she was still unsure. "I have loved you for years and I know that nothing will ever change that. You are my partner and my best friend and now, you're also my lover. Please, be my wife as well." She just looked back at him, still unsure and breathing so deep he was afraid she was close to hyperventilating.

He took her hands in his as he continued. "Yesterday, after you left to be debriefed, I had a talk with Danny. He made me realize how you knew I was in trouble and he reminded me how truly short life can be. I can't imagine losing you like he did Linda. We've both had really close calls recently. We've wasted so much time already; I just don't want to waste another day without you. I want you… with me… Forever." She was crying now; he hoped that was a good sign.

He took a deep breath and tried one last time. "So, will you, Edit Janko, agree to be my wife and make me the happiest man in the universe? Eddie, my Eddie, will you marry me?" She was straight out sobbing now, but she had that silly grin he loved so much… Then she started nodding frantically and he almost collapsed with relief.

He reached for her and pulled her into his lap as she finally mustered up the words she wanted to say. "Yes, oh God, yes, Jamie. Of course, I will marry you!" Once in his lap she launched herself at him, her arms wrapping around his neck and her lips seeking out his. They both smiled through the kiss, almost laughing with happiness. She pulled back from him for a moment before capturing his lips again. "I love you so much Jamie. The only place I want to be is by your side."

After a few more kisses she just held him to her, tucking her head in against his neck, just enjoying being in his arms. "Oh, Jamie, I've dreamed about this. I always wanted it to be you. Always."

He smiled, well actually, he couldn't stop smiling. He had the woman of his dreams in his arms and she had just agreed to marry him. He didn't think he could be any happier than he was right at that moment. "Well, I'm just glad you said yes when you did. I was afraid I'd have to bring out the big guns." She pulled back to look at him. "Big guns?" she questioned, confusion evident in her features. She thought that proposal was pretty big as it was.

He gave her his cocky Reagan grin. "Yeah, I was about to start quoting sappy movie lines if I had to." She just raised her eyebrows, urging him to continue. "Uh, let's see… After the way I ran over here last night I had that Billy Crystal one fresh in my head." She laughed and leaned her forehead into his shoulder. He started to recite that line, only getting out the first half before pausing, knowing that she would join in and finish it. "When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody…" He smiled when she leaned back, looking him in the eyes, before they both repeated the rest of the line, almost in unison. "You want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."

She smiled again, still having a hard time believing that this was really happening. "Well, Reagan, you really picked a good one there. And under the circumstances, quite fitting." She laughed again, before turning serious by the intense look he was giving her. Their lips met again and he eased her down on the mattress. "Well, Ms. Soon-to-be-Reagan, it's true. It was like I was lost, with no hope for a real future before I met you, and now I can't wait to start the rest of my life with you." She leaned up to meet his lips, too overcome to speak, needing to show him how she felt.

He knew that look in her eyes; he knew she must see the same in his. There was no need for anymore words right now. All he needed was her, and all she needed was him. And at this moment, all they both needed was for him to be inside her.


End file.
